Being a male, I made a quiz on how to find a “good Muslim wife.”
Some may love this, some may not. At the end of the day, everyone likes to think they have a good relationship with Allah subhana wa t’ala. But the best way to check is to see what Allah ‘aza wa jal says in the Qur’an. If we have a good relationship with Allah, then we should also look for a spouse who has a good relationship with Allah…
1. What do you think about women posting their photos online in public on social media?
a) It may have been strange at one time, but times have changed. Therefore, I think it’s normal and I support
b) I don’t do it myself, but I don’t care if others do it; I respect their decision
c) I do not share photos of myself with the public, because that is the same as sharing my photos with strangers, and I have hayaa (modesty)
2. What do you think about gender mixing in the workplace?
a) Time have changed and it’s okay now. Plus I learn from the men and women that I work with and I have never seen or experienced sexual harassment
b) I try to avoid the opposite gender when I can, but my workplace is mixed and there’s not much I can do about it
c) I try my best to work in an women-only or children’s only environment
3. Technology has its pros and cons. It’s also given us apps and websites to meet people. What do you think about…
a) I’ve used all kinds of apps and websites…from Muslim marriage websites to dating apps. I think it’s fine as long as you’re in control.
b) I try to only use Muslim apps and marriage websites
c) I’m really care of those things or do not use them at all, because you never know who you’re talking to or their intentions.
4. How should you handle arguments and disagreements with your spouse?
a) I believe I have the right to voice my opinion and express myself and I do not believe a man should control or try to over-power a woman. If my husband doesn’t listen to me, that’s his problem.
b) I think we should listen to each other.
c) I would like to hear what my husband has to say, and I would hope that he also hears and understands what I’m saying as well. I also think if things escalate or are serious, we should try to understand the Islamic opinion.
5. What are your thoughts on feminism?
a) I consider myself a Muslim-feminist
b) Islam and feminism have some overlap, but I don’t agree with everything about feminism
c) While there may be some commonalities between Islam and feminism, the problem with other social ideologies such as feminism is that they are based on man-made philosophy, and hence, I believe it could be kufr. I would never call myself a Muslim feminist. I believe Islam already protects and takes care of women.
6. Do you think the wife’s primary goal should be to support her husband’s goals?
7. What is your thoughts on living a healthy lifestyle?
8. What are your thoughts on studying Islam, attending programs, conferences, classes, workshops, dawah, and volunteering?
9. What do you think about having a large and fancy wedding?
10. What do you think about helping the poor or those less fortunate?
11. Do you think a husband and wife should take care of themselves?
12. How should a Muslim woman dress?
13. If a man is not willing to marry a woman because she’s had sex previously,
14. Can a woman have male friends? Can a male have female friends?
15. What do you think of this statement: “Muslims, Christians, and Jews are one community. We should be more loving to each other. It doesn’t matter what religion you belong, to, as long as you’re a good person.”?
On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being the least important, and 10 being the most important…
16. How important is a driven, ambitious, positive, confident, and good communicator for you?
17. How important is it for your husband and you to be building a business together, working on charity together, or
18. How important is prayer to you?
19. How important is good manners, good personality, and character to you?
20. How important is dying upon Islam to you (imaan)?
FINAL ADVICE TO BOTH SINGLE MUSLIM MEN AND SINGLE MUSLIM WOMEN:
***Dear Single Muslim Men and Single Muslim Women***
Single Muslim men AND single Muslim women BOTH have a responsibility to act and behave appropriately when spouse-seeking. Seeking a spouse is part networking, part du’a, and part strategy. We have listed some helpful tips below. You need to know what you want in a spouse. List 3 to 5 of the most important qualities. Also, write down your personality, what you’re looking for in terms of attraction, and your future goals.
Sisters: here’s what you should know about Muslim men
1. Muslim men like sisters who take care of themselves, and different men have different preferences in terms of looks (facial features, body, skin). So don’t think that you have to be a certain size, shape, ethnicity, or skin tone — because different men like different women, your soul mate is out there.
2. Muslim men, and men in general, are turned off by women who expose themselves to a lot of men. This is really unattractive to a man. So if you’re the type of person who is on every website, or puts a lot of pictures and videos of yourself online, you may want to reconsider that. There once was a time when we’d be shy to share our photo with a stranger – shyness is actually attractive if it’s done out of taqwa and hayaa (modesty).
3. If you like the guy and he has a good personality, make it easier for him…don’t think about a huge wedding or huge dowry. Rather invest in making your marriage work.
4. If you involve your family early on, this will demonstrate trust and baraqah. If you bring a family member when you meet him, you’ll know he’s serious. If he doesn’t talk or introduce you to his family, then you know he’s playing games.
5. If you do not care about Islam, if you don’t care to learn anything about Islam, if you never thought about studying Islam (even from YouTube)….change it up…
Brothers: here’s what you should know about Muslim women
1. While looks are important, they don’t care so much about how you look, but more so, that you try to take care of yourself. They care a lot about your personality, and how you make them feel (showing respect, being kind).
2. They want to know if you have some level of communication skills (talk about your interests, passions, etc.) and that you’re a good listener, you can carry a conversation. More importantly, are you focused? Do you have goals and aspirations and a vision? Do you want to help the Muslim community and Ummah? These things demonstrate you are driven, mature, and that you have leadership.
3. Sisters like a man who projects confidence, assertiveness, who has a vision, who has a passion, and who is knowledgeable (intelligent), so pick up a book!
4. If you do not care about Islam, if you don’t care to learn anything about Islam, if you never thought about studying Islam (even from YouTube)….change it up…
5. Sisters like a man who has chivalry. Listen to this:
BOTTOM LINE: If you are really serious about marriage, you need to:
1) Know your limitations and the Islamic guidelines and boundaries about spouse-seeking and developing your relationship. If you break the rules and codes when seeking a spouse, not only will your marriage not be blessed, but you will fall into a lot of mistakes and meeting the wrong people when spouse-seeking.
2) Look for someone you can grow with, both Islamically and towards each other’s goals.
3) Make Du’a for your future spouse and think positively. Respect, Communication, Deen. Be persistent in those things that Allah loves (istighfar, dua, deeds). Never give up.